Siting at the Feet of Grace
Labels: bible, Christ, Christianty, church, devotional, grace, hope, Jesus, Mary and Martha, Philippians
Labels: bible, Christ, Christianty, church, devotional, grace, hope, Jesus, Mary and Martha, Philippians
This passed weekend was the Tulsa Workshop. It is always the highlight of my year. I always leave challenged and refreshed. I love to walk around the booths and see what ministries and missions there are around the world. I love to see old friends and catch up with what is going on in their lives. I especially love to attend the classes and hear great men of faith pour out God’s truth in a challenging and inspiring way.
This year’s theme was “Let the Chains Fall Away.” What a powerful message. So many chains seem to bind us as Christians. We are held in bondage by our traditions, our pride, our inferiority, our hypocrisy, our view of God, and the list could go on and on. Although I love the workshop and enjoyed each nights worship and keynote session, I have to confess that I was often distracted. I often find myself distracted. My mind wanders a thousand different directions and I find myself having to constantly refocus my thoughts. Friday night was one of those nights that I found myself distracted. I had spent the day at the workshop. Just Joshua and I went during the day and he was in child care. I was free to attend the classes and I loved it. I had the car and I knew Kellie and the boys wanted to come to the workshop for the night session. I left at 4:00 to get Kellie, Andrew, and Timothy. It took over an hour to get from Tulsa to Muskogee because of construction. We were hoping to make it to the Acappella concert at 6:00 before the evening worship at 7:00. Well, we didn’t make it until close to 6:40. We rushed inside and caught the last few songs. I was frustrated that it took so long to get back to Tulsa. I was distracted by all the kids running around throwing balls and toy cars while I was trying to get into the mode of praise and worship. It is then that I noticed him. A few rows away sat a young man who was obviously “intellectually delayed.” While everyone around him seemed to have a distracted look on their face because of the noise around them, this young man stood with his arms raised in the air, tears in his eyes, singing to his Lord. He was not held prisoner by the circumstances around him, he was just praising. We had a short break between the concert and the evening session, so we took the boys to their class and Kellie and I came back into the pavilion. We sat in a different area this time, but I could still see this young man. He had his arms raised in the air and I could see the emotion and gratitude in his demeanor as he worshiped. In that moment when my mind was racing and I was still watching the kids throw their toys and wondering why their parents were not doing anything to stop them, that God began to work on my heart. It was though He was saying, “See that guy right there? That is how I want you to live.” God wants me (and you) to live life free of the chains. The chains of pride, the chains of undiscipline, the chains a lukewarm life. God wants me to be free. Regardless of my surroundings, He is calling me to give Him the worship He is worthy of. When all the world want to distract me, He wants me to focus completely on Him. When the noise of this earthly life is loud, God offers me complete peace in Him.
I thanked God for His freedom. I thanked him for that young man God used to teach me. I am thankful for freedom in Christ. It is true freedom. Eternal freedom. this life on earth is but a vapor and if all freedoms were taken away, I can still have true freedom in Christ. It is a choice. Following God is a choice. Will I choose to follow Him and experience His freedom? … or am I content to live in chains because that is my comfort zone? What about you? What choice will you make? Will you allow the world to distract you and keep you chained … or will you choose to completely surrender to Christ and be free?
“If the Son set you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36
Labels: Christ, devotional, faith, freedom, Jesus, Tulsa Workshop
The last couple of nights Joshua has been extra clingy (is that a word?). He wants me by him constantly. While he is playing, he wants me by him. When he is laying down, he wants me by him. I love it, yet it is draining. Sometimes I just need to have a break. I feel drained. Yet, at the same time, I enjoy the fact that he loves me so much. All he wants is for his daddy to be around. He wants to know he is safe. He wants to know he is not alone. He wants to know I am near by.
I want to enjoy these moments. I know that one day he will be older and we will not get this moment back. He will be wanting to do his own thing and I will long to be near him. I pray I learn to embrace these moments.
As I think about Joshua’s desire to be near to his daddy, I am forced to think of my own relationship with God. We are encouraged to draw near to God (James 4:8). I have to ask myself the hard question: Am I seeking to draw near to God? DO I desire to get closer to Him each day?Do I so long to be with Him that I cannot stand the idea of not being near him? Do I, like Joshua, just want to be near my daddy? I believe God wants me to be that in love with Him. He wants me to seek Him. He wants me to love being with him. He longs for me to long after him. God is my daddy and he loves his child.
I am thankful for the lessons we learn through children. My prayer is that we can all learn to love God so much we cannot stand the thought of not being near Him. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.
So much time has passed since I last posted. In fact, I do not know that I have updated my blog since just after the new year. So much has changed in my life and I have been trying to process it all. Life is like a roller coaster ride. It is filled with ups and downs and sudden twists that take you completely by surprise. Sometimes all we can do is hold on tight and trust we will make it through the ride safely and with a better appreciation for the calm moments.
It feels as though the last 10 months or so have been a giant roller coaster with sudden turns and corkscrews and loops with no area of straight track. It feels as though I am holding on tight and trying not to fall out. What I am learning is to trust the ride operator. God is guiding and leading and I am slowly learning to trust Him, loosen my grip on the safety bar, and enjoy the ride. In all honesty, it has been an incredibly painful and emotional lesson, but I am thankful for what I am gaining from the ride.
Back in October, our then one-year-old son, Joshua was admitted into the hospital. We were told by the hospital staff and doctors that he was near death. We brought him in just in time. Our life was rocked. Nothing else mattered to us except making sure our baby was okay. We cried; we prayed; we worried; we stood strong; we struggled, but still trusted in God. After about a week in the hospital , he was released and doing well. This was one roller ride we did not want to experience again. We learned valuable faith lessons, but no parent wants to see their child suffer like that.
Fast forward a few weeks. I sat in my office responding to emails and working on a children’s Christmas musical for the church. An elder approached me and said I was needed in the conference room. I sat down and listened as the elders asked me to resign as children’s minister. My heart sunk. I did not know how to respond. I was always told that I was a great teacher and the kids were learning so much, yet it was explained that because of my struggle to find teachers, I needed to resign my position. Every emotion imaginable overtook my spirit: anger, fear, sadness, anxiety, and even relief. It is hard to explain. I was quite bitter for a couple of months. I felt like such a failure. I was depressed.
I struggled to find any type of work at all. I applied at retail stores, restaurants, and even fast food places. With each rejection, I sank a little lower. I finally took a job cleaning a department store and probably wouldn’t have even found that job if my brother-in-law hadn’t recommended me. I wondered what was wrong with me. I wondered how I could have my ministry taken away from me. Nothing seemed to matter at that point. Rather, I didn’t think I mattered at that point. I felt so low; so useless; so powerless. I sat in the worship service not knowing what to do. I had always had some role to fill – preach the sermon, teach the class, lead the communion, be up front, share a word of wisdom – now I just sat there. Yes, I understand that one does not need to be up front to participate in the worship and life of the church, but that was all I had ever known. Now, I felt…insignificant. All I had ever worked for was gone.
I was one the roller coaster of life and it was making me sick. I became disoriented from all the turn and sudden drops. I cried the ride operator (Jesus) for help. He didn’t stop the ride, he didn’t even slow it down – but he did teach me how to learn from the ride and even enjoy some of the moments. I learned a very valuable lesson. My identity is found in being God’s child – nothing more, nothing less. My identity is not a title of minister, it is not a great sermon, or a good lesson. My identity is not found in being a good teacher. My identity is not wrapped up in my ability to organize. It is not found in being an introvert or an extrovert. My identity is found in Jesus. My identity is not others expectations of me. My identity is God’s son. I had never realized I viewed my identity in being a minister and having a title, but when that was taken away, I had never felt so insignificant. I have now learned my true identity. I am God’s and He is mine.
Do I miss doing full time ministry -yes, I miss parts of it. I miss teaching and preaching. But I will not trade the valuable lesson I have learned. It nearly cost me everything, but I have gained the only thing that mattered. I have gained an understanding of my true identity.
The roller coaster did not end there. You can read about Kellie’s job change and see that God is still trying to teach us something. Sometimes, I just want to scream out, “Okay God I get it. You can stop now.” But I am so thankful for this new-found identity. It was there all along, it just took a major wake up call to realize I was burying it somewhere and didn’t even realize it.
My life looks much different today than it did a year ago. I am now a forklift operator at a local warehouse. It is so different from what I am used to and I struggle to find my place there sometimes. I used to preach about staying faithful during the darkest times of life and now I am experiencing what that means. I once talked about freedom in Christ and now I am truly experiencing it. I am God’s child – nothing more, nothing less. Lord teach me to always find my identity in you.
Labels: authenticity, blessings, change, Christ, devotional, forgiveness, grace, transformation
Labels: body life, children, Christ, Christianty, church, community, faith, family, ministry, parenting
Labels: Christ, devotional, faith, family, father, God, Jesus, life, parenting, sickness, spiritual, suffering, transformation, trials
Labels: Christ, Christianty, denial, devotional, forgiveness, Jesus, John 13, Peter, rooster crows
Labels: Christ, Christianty, devotional, faith, family, Jesus, life, sickness
Labels: Christ, christianity, devotional, family, father, Jesus, parenting
Labels: Christ, christianity, church, family, Kingdom of God, Tulsa Workshop
Labels: 2008, Christ, Christianty, Jesus, life, new beginning, new year, video game