Morning Joy: When Will Morning Come?

I determined long ago to name this blog Confessions of a Confused Christian. However, as I recently went back over many of the posts, I realized there was not a lot of confessing or confusion. Every post seemed to always resolve itself into total assurance. It seemed as though there was no real faith struggle that every i was always dotted and every t was always crossed. I admit that some of the reasoning is because I switched my primary means of communication from this blog over to Facebook. However, even there, I could see that most posts talk about how great my faith is and an outsider may think my faith does not waver.

So, here I am pondering this moment of how deep to go; how much to share. It is difficult to use written words as a form of communication because it is impossible to sense the tone and emotion behind the words. However, since the blog has the words confused and confess in it, I feel it is only appropriate to confess my confusion. Sometimes I really struggle in my faith. I struggle in my relationship with God. I often do not see relevance in the church. When I read the Bible, I am often confused. I read of a church in the first century that seemed so honest, so real yet I see much of the church today being so superficial. I see people in the New Testament fighting for what they stand for, and I see so many Christians today fighting about what they are against. We rally and protest and get loud and rarely love, I mean truly love. We are well known for what we are against, but rarely show what we are for. That confuses me. Am I supposed to stand in a line and picket the abortion clinic, or am I to present a cup of water to a hurt woman who just made the decision to abort the baby? Which would Jesus do? If I show love to her am I now saying I support abortion? Must I yell and spit so I can prove I am a Christian or was Jesus actually telling the truth when he said they will know we are Christians by our love?

The truth is I am often confused. I have been hurt. I have felt abandoned and betrayed. I have been hurt by the church. I have bought the lie that I had to be against all the things I am supposed to be against and somewhere along the way I have forgotten what I am supposed to be for. I have often tried to please church people and in the process have found myself drifting further and further away from who God has truly called me to be. I have been hurt by the church. I have been hurt to the point that it is often difficult to differentiate if it is people or God who is hurting me. Why must it be so difficult?

One of my favorite verses has been Psalm 30:5 which declares, “For his anger lasts only a moment,but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” What a comforting thought to know that joy comes in the morning. However, sometimes it seems that morning will never come. I often identify with the poet Emily Dickinson who penned these words: 

Will there really be a “Morning”?
Is there such a thing as “Day”?
Could I see it from the mountains
If I were as tall as they?

Has it feet like Water lilies?
Has it feathers like a Bird?
Is it brought from famous countries
Of which I have never heard?

Oh some Scholar! Oh some Sailor!
Oh some Wise Men from the skies!
Please to tell a little Pilgrim
Where the place called “Morning” lies!

Will morning joy ever come? Or will we just remain in tears of mourning? Will joy find it’s way into our lives, or are we destined to lie in constant wait? I confess that God confuses me and His word sometimes troubles more than it comforts. There are times in our lives when it hurts so much we just can’t see the joy coming. We feel the pain and experience the darkness which seeks to consume us. So we wait. We sit in the dark of night waiting for the morning joy to come. We long to feel anything other than the current hell we are experiencing. We look to God, even in the midst of what seems like His silence and we wait. We hope. We look toward that morning light which will bring the joy. However, in the meantime, we wait and search for the place where morning lies.

The incarnation

Here is part 2 of the Forklift Evangelist Christmas series. Check out the youtube channel for other videos.

Leave a Legacy

There are people who have been a part of my life that have left a legacy for me. Their names have never been in bright lights. People are not surrounding them with cameras flashing asking for their autograph, yet they have left a legacy. They have made an impact in my life which I am forever grateful. It was often the small things they did that made the greatest impact. The 3rd grade teacher who gave me a Bible when I did not have one of my own. I do not remember her name or any of the classes she taught. I did not understand the words in the King James Bible she gave me, but I remember that she cared about me enough to take me to the church book store and buy me a Bible.

I recall the man who took me to the basketball games at Oklahoma Christian when I was in middle school. I don’t remember what class he taught at church, but I do remember the way he cared about me and it left a legacy for me to love others.

My parents have always cared for me and wanted the best for me. They have left a legacy for me. I do not remember all the words they have spoken, but I do know their love for me.

I want to ask you the question—what legacy are you leaving? How will you be remembered? I hope to be remembered as one who loves people. I want to live my life in such a way that all those who know me understand that I loved them. I like when people remember a sermon I preached. I love when kids remember an illustration I gave to explain a Bible point; but more than anything I want people to know I loved them and that God loves them. I want to leave a legacy. However, sometimes life gets in the way. I get so busy going from one task to the other and one activity to the other, that I fail to love. I fail to leave a legacy.

How about you? Do you find yourself so busy that you do not have time to love people? Do you find you do not have time to serve others? Maybe you are going through life staying busy and you even have your name in the paper and you make the headlines, but you are not leaving a lasting legacy—is it really worth it? We have a lot of kids at our church who need someone to leave a legacy for them. They need to know they are loved and cared for. Yet, in our busy way of life, we cannot find the time to love them. We cannot find the time share our hearts, to teach a class, to leave a legacy. What legacy are choosing to leave?

Community

I believe one of the most important aspects of Christianity is community.I also believe it is the greatest means of outreach. Jesus prayed that His believers would be one. He said the world would know that we are His disciples when we love one another. So why is community so difficult? It is hard to live outside myself. I find it difficult to put others needs above myself. Sometimes I wonder if the reason is because I have been burned by people who claimed they were my friend or ally. We are a fallen people. I think that makes the need for community even greater. As Christians, we are the church and church is the body of Christ. We need each other. I need you and you need me. That is how the body of Christ should function. Let's learn how to love one another and see that we need each other. That is when the world will look at us and see that we have something to offer that they are missing in life.

Ozark Christian College Mission Team

It was a great and exhausting week of spring break. A group of students and faculty members from Ozark Christian College came to work with Memphis Urban Ministry for the week. It was a great time of outreach and service. Sunday evening we passed out flyers and registered kids for the two day kids camp that would be taking place on Tuesday and Wednesday. It was a good opportunity for the people to see Memphis and the neighborhood they would be working with during the week. The area of focus was Clearborne homes which is saturated with poverty. Monday was a day spent preparing chili and serving lunch to the community. Many homeless men and women came through the line as well as many families who stated they would not be able to feed their children if they did not have that meal that day. About 70 people were served lunch on Monday.
Tuesday and Wednesday was spent conducting a kid's camp. It was basically a two day VBS. About 30 kids participated in the full two day camp and there were many more who were able to attend only certain portions of the camp.
Thursday was also a great day. Hot dogs were served and clothes were given out. About 50 people came in for clothing and approximatley 10-15 more people came for lunch only.

It was a great week. I am thankful to the group from OZark who gave up a spring break to come to Memphis to serve a hurting and impoverished community. The smiles on the faces of the children and the parents who were served tells of the great appreciation.