Morning Joy: When Will Morning Come?

I determined long ago to name this blog Confessions of a Confused Christian. However, as I recently went back over many of the posts, I realized there was not a lot of confessing or confusion. Every post seemed to always resolve itself into total assurance. It seemed as though there was no real faith struggle that every i was always dotted and every t was always crossed. I admit that some of the reasoning is because I switched my primary means of communication from this blog over to Facebook. However, even there, I could see that most posts talk about how great my faith is and an outsider may think my faith does not waver.

So, here I am pondering this moment of how deep to go; how much to share. It is difficult to use written words as a form of communication because it is impossible to sense the tone and emotion behind the words. However, since the blog has the words confused and confess in it, I feel it is only appropriate to confess my confusion. Sometimes I really struggle in my faith. I struggle in my relationship with God. I often do not see relevance in the church. When I read the Bible, I am often confused. I read of a church in the first century that seemed so honest, so real yet I see much of the church today being so superficial. I see people in the New Testament fighting for what they stand for, and I see so many Christians today fighting about what they are against. We rally and protest and get loud and rarely love, I mean truly love. We are well known for what we are against, but rarely show what we are for. That confuses me. Am I supposed to stand in a line and picket the abortion clinic, or am I to present a cup of water to a hurt woman who just made the decision to abort the baby? Which would Jesus do? If I show love to her am I now saying I support abortion? Must I yell and spit so I can prove I am a Christian or was Jesus actually telling the truth when he said they will know we are Christians by our love?

The truth is I am often confused. I have been hurt. I have felt abandoned and betrayed. I have been hurt by the church. I have bought the lie that I had to be against all the things I am supposed to be against and somewhere along the way I have forgotten what I am supposed to be for. I have often tried to please church people and in the process have found myself drifting further and further away from who God has truly called me to be. I have been hurt by the church. I have been hurt to the point that it is often difficult to differentiate if it is people or God who is hurting me. Why must it be so difficult?

One of my favorite verses has been Psalm 30:5 which declares, “For his anger lasts only a moment,but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” What a comforting thought to know that joy comes in the morning. However, sometimes it seems that morning will never come. I often identify with the poet Emily Dickinson who penned these words: 

Will there really be a “Morning”?
Is there such a thing as “Day”?
Could I see it from the mountains
If I were as tall as they?

Has it feet like Water lilies?
Has it feathers like a Bird?
Is it brought from famous countries
Of which I have never heard?

Oh some Scholar! Oh some Sailor!
Oh some Wise Men from the skies!
Please to tell a little Pilgrim
Where the place called “Morning” lies!

Will morning joy ever come? Or will we just remain in tears of mourning? Will joy find it’s way into our lives, or are we destined to lie in constant wait? I confess that God confuses me and His word sometimes troubles more than it comforts. There are times in our lives when it hurts so much we just can’t see the joy coming. We feel the pain and experience the darkness which seeks to consume us. So we wait. We sit in the dark of night waiting for the morning joy to come. We long to feel anything other than the current hell we are experiencing. We look to God, even in the midst of what seems like His silence and we wait. We hope. We look toward that morning light which will bring the joy. However, in the meantime, we wait and search for the place where morning lies.

Power & Hope: Lessons Learned From the Africa Children's Choir

Last night, my family went to see the African Children’s Choir. This was about the third time we have seen this choir perform and each time has been amazing. Last night was no exception. The group of children made the entrance with shouts of jubilation as they danced on the stage. The enthusiasm and power they showed were quite impressive. We clapped and cheered and sang along as they performed their songs and dances.

One of the most touching moments for me personally took place a little over half way through the evening. The children came out one at a time saying their name and what they wanted to be when they were older. I loved hearing about their dreams of being pilots, police officers, teachers, bankers, and pastors. I thought about what life must have been like for them early on. Most came from a home with at least one parent deceased or not present for whatever reason. Many had no running water, no substantial source of income. They all came from poverty. These children had seen and experienced more heartache in their young lives than most people experience in a lifetime. They could easily have the mindset that they have no real future. We may look at people of similar circumstance and have little hope they will become anything significant. Yet, they had the dream and vision and hope of becoming the best they could. They refused to buy the lie that they were insignificant.  They refused to let their dreams die. They desire to beat the odds and become someone of great significance.

The true reality is they are already significant. They were created in the image of God. They were deemed worthy of the blood of Jesus as he died to give them hope and a future that far exceeds anything they could ever even dream. The stage presence of these children possessed such power that you believed they would become all those things they said they wanted to be. Yet that fails in comparison to the awesome power of our Lord working in the lives of people. His power is available to all. He is the source of all power and all hope. As the children sang He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands, I could not help but recognize how true that really is. He holds it all together. The stars, the land, the sea are all held together by Him. Mankind finds hope in Him. He’s got the homeless in His hands. He’s got  the widow in His hands. He’s got the child walking 45 minutes for water to do laundry in His hands. He loves the fatherless. He loves the single mother struggling to love and care for her kids and pay the bills. He loves the dad who works long hours to provide the best way he knows how. God loves the athletic and the uncoordinated. He loves the educated and uneducated. God loves the prostitute and the nun. He loves the rich and the poor. He loves you and me. He’s got the whole world in His hands. Therefore we can dream. We can hope. We have a future. We have love and acceptance no matter what this world throws at us. We have God, therefore we have all we need.

How is your heart?

Nearly a month has passed since that day. I had not been feeling well. I was constantly fatigued and kept having dizzy spells.

After a lot of prodding from my wife, I finally decided to go to the hospital. The doctor ran all kinds of tests. I had CT scans and ultrasounds, treadmill test, and an echo cardiogram. I wore a heart monitor for nearly a month. No major problems were found, but a lot of monitoring was done.

I began to think about our spiritual life. What if we had the ability to look into our spiritual hearts? What would we see? Would our heart be healthy? Would we see areas of concern that we needed to focus on? Would there be changes we would need to make?

I believe we do have such a spiritual heart monitor. The Bible is a guide, a monitor that can expose our heart’s true spiritual condition. It shows areas where we are in need of change.

How is your heart? Do you see the areas that need work? Do you need to incorporate a healthy diet of study of God’s word? Ask God to show you what changes you need to make.

Siting at the Feet of Grace

Recently I was reading the account of Jesus at the hoe of Mary and Martha in the gospel of Luke (10:38-42). Recall the scene in your mind. Jesus was with his disciples when Martha opened up her home to him. Remember that Mary (Martha’s sister) was sitting at the feet of Jesus, while Martha was busy worrying about the preparations.

Can you imagine? Jesus is in your home! You want everything to be perfect. You begin cleaning and there is nothing out of place. You are slaving all day long over the hot stove baking and cooking and cleaning. You then come to the realization that your sister, Mary, is in the other room just listening and talking with Jesus. You become green with envy! After all, you’re the one that invited him over in the first place. You should be the one listening to his words. But no, you’re stuck in here baking while Mary is the one who is being lazy and making you do all the work. You become furious, and finally you just can’t take it anymore. You come stomping into the room where the others are and you say, “Lord! Don’t you care that Mary has left me to do all the work? Tell her to get in here and help me!”

Then Jesus says these words to her, “Martha, only one thing matters. Mary has chosen what is better.”

The only thing that matters is sitting at the feet of our Lord and learning from him and listening to him. Have you ever been guilty of being too busy to get down at the feet of our gracious Lord and learn from him? I pray that you learn what is most important and sit at his feet and not become so busy with other things that you become blind as to what is really important.

The second chapter of Philippians uses words such as encouragement, comfort, fellowship, tenderness, and compassion. Later on in verse ten, the Bible says “…at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father.”

Encouragement, comfort, fellowship, tenderness, and compassion all come with bowing down at the feet of Christ. Make it your goal to take the time to sit at the feet of Jesus and learn from him. Bow down and humble yourself and realize what is most important: Jesus! I challenge you to join Mary and sit down at the feet of grace.

Let the Chains Fall Away

This passed weekend was the Tulsa Workshop. It is always the highlight of my year. I always leave challenged and refreshed. I love to walk around the booths and see what ministries and missions there are around the world. I love to see old friends and catch up with what is going on in their lives. I especially love to attend the classes and hear great men of faith pour out God’s truth in a challenging and inspiring way.

This year’s theme was “Let the Chains Fall Away.” What a powerful message. So many chains seem to bind us as Christians. We are held in bondage by our traditions, our pride, our inferiority, our hypocrisy, our view of God, and the list could go on and on. Although I love the workshop and enjoyed each nights worship and keynote session, I have to confess that I was often distracted. I often find myself distracted. My mind wanders a thousand different directions and I find myself having to constantly refocus my thoughts. Friday night was one of those nights that I found myself distracted. I had spent the day at the workshop. Just Joshua and I went during the day and he was in child care. I was free to attend the classes and I loved it. I had the car and I knew Kellie and the boys wanted to come to the workshop for the night session. I left at 4:00 to get Kellie, Andrew, and Timothy. It took over an hour to get from Tulsa to Muskogee because of construction. We were hoping to make it to the Acappella concert at 6:00 before the evening worship at 7:00. Well, we didn’t make it until close to 6:40. We rushed inside and caught the last few songs. I was frustrated that it took so long to get back to Tulsa. I was distracted by all the kids running around throwing balls and toy cars while I was trying to get into the mode of praise and worship. It is then that I noticed him. A few rows away sat a young man who was obviously “intellectually delayed.” While everyone around him seemed to have a distracted look on their face because of the noise around them, this young man stood with his arms raised in the air, tears in his eyes, singing to his Lord. He was not held prisoner by the circumstances around him, he was just praising. We had a short break between the concert and the evening session, so we took the boys to their class and Kellie and I came back into the pavilion. We sat in a different area this time, but I could still see this young man. He had his arms raised in the air and I could see the emotion and gratitude in his demeanor as he worshiped. In that moment when my mind was racing and I was still watching the kids throw their toys and wondering why their parents were not doing anything to stop them, that God began to work on my heart. It was though He was saying, “See that guy right there? That is how I want you to live.” God wants me (and you) to live life free of the chains. The chains of pride, the chains of undiscipline, the chains a lukewarm life. God wants me to be free. Regardless of my surroundings, He is calling me to give Him the worship He is worthy of. When all the world want to distract me, He wants me to focus completely on Him. When the noise of this earthly life is loud, God offers me complete peace in Him.

I thanked God for His freedom. I thanked him for that young man God used to teach me. I am thankful for freedom in Christ. It is true freedom. Eternal freedom. this life on earth is but a vapor and if all freedoms were taken away, I can still have true freedom in Christ. It is a choice. Following God is a choice. Will I choose to follow Him and experience His freedom? … or am I content to live in chains because that is my comfort zone? What about you? What choice will you make? Will you allow the world to distract you and keep you chained … or will you choose to completely surrender to Christ and be free?

“If the Son set you free, you will be free indeed.” John 8:36

Fantasy Football, Fantasy Church

Today is the big day. My fantasy football team has its first matchup. I do not yet know the outcome. I have to wait until all the games have been played. Fantasy football is about drafting players from each skill position and your points are based their actual performances. We had a live draft on a Monday night. We went into a classroom at our church and began the draft process. I recall the conversations regarding the various players. We each made statements like “he has a lot of potential.” ”He is such a great player if he can stay healthy.” ”He would be awesome if he would stop complaining and start doing his job on the team.” I suppose it is a little silly for grown men to sit in a room and pretend to be owners and managers of a football team, but it was a great time of fellowship.

Later, I began thinking about the church and about men and women of faith throughout history. What if we could have a fantasy draft for our church? Who would we choose? Why would we choose them? I began to think of people we read about in the Bible and how they had great faith. Perhaps someone may pick Noah. After all, he was faithful in a time when no one else was. God chose to save Noah and his family and start all over. What a great man of faith. We should definitely choose him for our fantasy faith team. The only problem is that when he is finally able to stand on dry ground again , he passes out drunk and naked. Perhaps we can rethink this pick.

What about Abraham? He would be great. God told him to pack his belongings and set off for a place. Abraham did not know where he was going, but he trusted that God would direct his path and protect him. At least, he trusted that God would protect him sometimes. He had his wife Sarai lie a couple of time and say she was his sister in order to save himself because although he knew God, he still thought he had to take precautions (being deceitful) in order to stay safe. Maybe you want to wait until a later round now before you decide to draft Abraham.

What about David? Now there is a first round pick if ever there was one. A shepherd boy who fearlessly faced a giant named Goliath. The giant was a trained warrior, yet David faced him when all of Israel’s fighting men were too afraid. From shepherd to king – that is the man I want on my team. I choose David first. He is perfect for my team. Wait, there was that thing with Bathsheba. He was outside and she was in the tub. He glanced in her direction, then he glanced again. Then he stared. Then he lusted. Then he slept with her and she became pregnant and he plotted to have her husband murdered. Maybe I should rethink picking David for my team.

I choose Peter. He was one of Jesus’ closest friends. Surely he would be close to the heart of God. I mean he walked with Jesus for three years. He saw Jesus perform miracle after miracle. Peter heard God’s voice in the form of Jesus. He touched God’s shoulder in the form of Jesus. He sat at the table and dined with the Son of God. I am definitely picking Peter as my first choice. He delivered the great message at Pentecost where thousands came to Christ. He followed Jesus ready to fight and die for him. I choose Peter. He even walked on the water. I definitely choose Peter. Okay, so while walking on the water, he got scared and began to sink. At least he still had the courage to do it in the first place. Oh, and there was the whole thing where Jesus told Peter he would deny him. Of course, Peter said “I would never do that, Lord.” Way to go Peter! But then they came to arrest Jesus. Peter followed at a distance and while warming himself by a fire, people began questioning him and asking if he was a Jesus follower. What did he do? He denied it. He denied it again. Then he denied a third time. Maybe I should rethink choosing Peter to be on my team as well.

The point is that we all have flaws. Some of the greatest men and women in the Bible have major issues. They sin. They make mistakes. They struggle with their faith. For me, that gives me hope. I can see the people as real. They are real people with real flaws. They have struggles. they doubt. They fall flat on their face. They make mistakes. They are human. Just like our group of men sitting in a room talking about the strengths and weaknesses of various players, we all have strengths and weaknesses. We often do the same when it comes to church. “That person is such a gifted teacher” while at the same time saying “if he could just be more organized.” We say “what a great singer” but also “she keeps finding the wrong men.” We have men of great talent, but they struggle with pornography. We have women with so much to offer, yet they suffer from deep depression. We are a church of flawed people. We have major character flaws. We sin. We doubt. We struggle. Yet at the same time – we love, we serve, we have faith.

I am thankful that the Bible shows us the strengths and the weaknesses of people. It gives me hope. I am thankful that men were not allowed to edit their lives and share only the strong points, but that we are also exposed to their vulnerabilities and weaknesses. We can have hope. Hebrews 11 is often referred to as the “hall of faith.” It is filled with names of great men and women who showed amazing faith. For the purpose of this post, I will refer to it as God’s starting lineup. The men and women listed there had amazing faith and courage, yet they also had flaws. they were murderers, adulterers, and even prostitutes. Yet God chose them to be on his team. It gives me hope. If they can be drafted onto God’s team, maybe I have a chance at being drafted too. thank you, God, for letting me be on your team.

Our True Identity

So much time has passed since I last posted. In fact, I do not know that I have updated my blog since just after the new year. So much has changed in my life and I have been trying to process it all. Life is like a roller coaster ride. It is filled with ups and downs and sudden twists that take you completely by surprise. Sometimes all we can do is hold on tight and trust we will make it through the ride safely and with a better appreciation for the calm moments.

It feels as though the last 10 months or so have been a giant roller coaster with sudden turns and corkscrews and loops with no area of straight track. It feels as though I am holding on tight and trying not to fall out. What I am learning is to trust the ride operator. God is guiding and leading and I am slowly learning to trust Him, loosen my grip on the safety bar, and enjoy the ride. In all honesty, it has been an incredibly painful and emotional lesson, but I am thankful for what I am gaining from the ride.

Back in October, our then one-year-old son, Joshua was admitted into the hospital. We were told by the hospital staff and doctors that he was near death. We brought him in just in time. Our life was rocked. Nothing else mattered to us except making sure our baby was okay. We cried; we prayed; we worried; we stood strong; we struggled, but still trusted in God. After about a week in the hospital , he was released and doing well. This was one roller ride we did not want to experience again. We learned valuable faith lessons, but no parent wants to see their child suffer like that.

Fast forward a few weeks. I sat in my office responding to emails and working on a children’s Christmas musical for the church. An elder approached me and said I was needed in the conference room. I sat down and listened as the elders asked me to resign as children’s minister. My heart sunk. I did not know how to respond. I was always told that I was a great teacher and the kids were learning so much, yet it was explained that because of my struggle to find teachers, I needed to resign my position. Every emotion imaginable overtook my spirit: anger, fear, sadness, anxiety, and even relief. It is hard to explain. I was quite bitter for a couple of months. I felt like such a failure. I was depressed.

I struggled to find any type of work at all. I applied at retail stores, restaurants, and even fast food places. With each rejection, I sank a little lower. I finally took a job cleaning a department store and probably wouldn’t have even found that job if my brother-in-law hadn’t recommended me. I wondered what was wrong with me. I wondered how I could have my ministry taken away from me. Nothing seemed to matter at that point. Rather, I didn’t think I mattered at that point. I felt so low; so useless; so powerless. I sat in the worship service not knowing what to do. I had always had some role to fill – preach the sermon, teach the class, lead the communion, be up front, share a word of wisdom – now I just sat there. Yes, I understand that one does not need to be up front to participate in the worship and life of the church, but that was all I had ever known. Now, I felt…insignificant. All I had ever worked for was gone.

I was one the roller coaster of life and it was making me sick. I became disoriented from all the turn and sudden drops. I cried the ride operator (Jesus) for help. He didn’t stop the ride, he didn’t even slow it down – but he did teach me how to learn from the ride and even enjoy some of the moments. I learned a very valuable lesson. My identity is found in being God’s child – nothing more, nothing less. My identity is not a title of minister, it is not a great sermon, or a good lesson. My identity is not found in being a good teacher. My identity is not wrapped up in my ability to organize. It is not found in being an introvert or an extrovert. My identity is found in Jesus. My identity is not others expectations of me. My identity is God’s son. I had never realized I viewed my identity in being a minister and having a title, but when that was taken away, I had never felt so insignificant. I have now learned my true identity. I am God’s and He is mine.

Do I miss doing full time ministry -yes, I miss parts of it. I miss teaching and preaching. But I will not trade the valuable lesson I have learned. It nearly cost me everything, but I have gained the only thing that mattered. I have gained an understanding of my true identity.

The roller coaster did not end there. You can read about Kellie’s job change and see that God is still trying to teach us something. Sometimes, I just want to scream out, “Okay God I get it. You can stop now.” But I am so thankful for this new-found identity. It was there all along, it just took a major wake up call to realize I was burying it somewhere and didn’t even realize it.

My life looks much different today than it did a year ago. I am now a forklift operator at a local warehouse. It is so different from what I am used to and I struggle to find my place there sometimes. I used to preach about staying faithful during the darkest times of life and now I am experiencing what that means. I once talked about freedom in Christ and now I am truly experiencing it. I am God’s child – nothing more, nothing less. Lord teach me to always find my identity in you.

Jesus the Servant

They were often dirty and in need of being washed. They were usually tired from a long journey. What were they? They were feet. Feet that needed to be washed. Our Lord recognized the need and brought out the water basin and towel. He began to wash the feet of those who didn’t deserve it. They were the men who should be washing his feet, yet not one volunteered. Jesus then began to serve those who did not deserve it. He served the one that would deny him. He got on his knees and performed an act of service on the one that would stab him in the back with a kiss of death.

“For the Son did not come to be served, but to serve,” the words ring in the memory of all who were present. It was hard for Peter to understand and so our Lord said, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” Christ had to serve. He had to wash their feet, for that is why he came. He came to serve.

Christ has served you and me also. Because he recognized a need in us that no other could, or would, meet. We were in need of cleaning and so He wrapped the towel around his waist and became a servant. “Unless I wash you,” he says, “you have no part with me.”

Jesus continued by saying, “now that I have washed your feet, you should wash one another’s feet.” How can we serve each other? What area of need can you fill? Do you know someone in need of a friend - will you choose to be a friend to them? Do you know someone in need on food or clothing - can you help? Are you willing to get up, wrap the towel around your wait, and grab the water basin? Are you ready to wash some feet?

The Mask of Hypocrisy

Our church recently had a fall festival. It was a lot of fun. The kids were able to play games and get candy - lots of candy! I remember how fun Halloween used to be when I was a kid. I loved dressing up and going door to door saying "Trick or teat" and getting some candy. This year we have three boys. Well, Joshua is only 5 months old, so he does not really know about Halloween and candy. He will still be dressed like a lion and going to get candy for his mommy and daddy. But the two older boys understand that they are able to dress up and get candy. They are excited. I always have mixed feelings about it. Back in 2006, I wrote a post on this blog entitled What Mask Are you Wearing. It got a few comments and made for some interesting conversation. So, I want to once again share that post for all of you. Please feel free to comment and share your thoughts. So without any further babbling, here it is.

Halloween - it is a time where children (and many adults) dress up and pretend to be something they really are not. I am not here to debate whether or not a Christian should celebrate Halloween. Kellie and I took Timothy to four trunk or treats over the weekend. It is probably a good thing since today it is raining. We saw various costumes - power rangers, spider-man, Superman, farmer, vampires, witches, and even two girls dressed as a salt and pepper shaker. It was really quite interesting to see all the various costumes and the creativity of those who made them. Timothy went as Elmo. He did not really understand what was going on but he did enjoy the candy. Kellie and I also enjoy the candy:)
I began to think back to my childhood. I would often wear a towel as a cape and pretend I was Superman as I jumped off the couch onto the pile of pillows that represented my enemy. Life was so much simpler then. I could be anyone I wanted to be. I would pretend to be He-Man and I would stop Skeletor. I would be the hero and the world would be safe because I was there to save the people.

Can you already see where this post is going? How strange that the trunk or treat took place in the parking lot of a church building. How many people put on a mask before entering the doors? The mask that makes us look like something we are not - the mask of a spiritual super-hero. We are often afraid to take off our masks. People will see who we really are - they will see that we do not have it all together, that we are indeed broken. What will they think? So we keep our mask on - we sing "Break My Heart" without taking off the mask and in the process allow our hearts to become even more calloused. My spiritual super-hero mask will not allow you to see my weakness; my sin; my kryptonite.

Why is that? Why do we wear masks? What are we so afraid of? Are we afraid that God might see us? He already knows what we look like inside and out. Are we afraid of what the person across the aisle may think? They are broken too. Why do wear masks?

Why do so many Christians wear masks? Why do ministers wear masks? How do we allow ourselves to get to the point that we feel we need to be spiritual super-heroes out to save the world, as if we can save anyone!? I cannot save anyone from sin; only Jesus can. I cannot save myself; only Jesus can. So why do I get tempted to put on my mask? Could it be that the mask has become comfortable? Could it be that we have tried so hard for so long to live up to the expectations of others that we have forgotten who we are without the mask? God, teach us to take off the mask and fall at your feet.

The Hands of Jesus

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This is a devotional I recorded while trying out some live streaming capability. I apologize for the sound being a little strange in certain parts. Let me know what you think.

Sometimes Life Hurts

Last Friday I took Joshua to a doctor's appointment. It was the routine four month check. I am happy to report that he is healthy and growing strong. A part of the four month check up is immunizations. The word immunizations sounds so much nicer than shots. The nurse came in with three syringes of various immunizations to shoot into my four month old son's legs. My job was to hold his arms and head while the nurse held down his legs and gave him the shots. He screamed a painful cry as the needle penetrated the skin. Big crocodile tears dripped down his face and then he looked at me. I am not sure what his mind is able to comprehend or how he processes his thoughts; but it seemed to be a look of "Why are you letting this happen to me?" It broke my heart. I did not want to see my child hurt. I did not want to see him in pain. I wanted to hold him and tell the nurse to keep those needles away from my baby boy. But I did not. I knew the temporary pain of receiving a shot would help him be stronger and more equipped to fight off sickness in the future.

I began thinking about that and realized it is similar to our spiritual walk with Christ. Sometimes life hurts. We go through trials, persecution, hardships, sickness, and pain. We like Joshua do not understand what is taking place and we look to our heavenly Father with a "why are you letting this happen?" attitude. Nobody enjoys pain (unless there is something deeply wrong with them), yet we all suffer pain. Nobody likes to hurt. We do not like suffering. We do not like persecution, yet we all face it. I believe the trials, persecution, and sufferings we face are making us stronger and more equipped to stand strong in our faith. They serve as a spiritual shot, an immunization, preparing us to fight against the sin that seeks to overtake us.

When the shots were finished, I picked up my son and held him close. I softly talked to him telling I love him. I sang a song to him. I let him know that he was loved. When I make it through a trial, I feel my Lord grab me and hold me close. He whispers that everything is okay. He sings over me. No, I do not hear an audible voice or feel a physical touch from God, yet I experience something much deeper. I experience an amazing renewal and transfromation that moves me closer to God.

Sometimes life hurts. It is during those times that we must learn to listen to what God is seeking to teach us. He loves us and He does not want to see us in pain, but He knows that when we overcome this temporary trial - we will receive something much greater.

The Denial

John records a scene in chapter thirteen of his gospel about Jesus that is so heartbreaking. Jesus knows that his time to bear the cross is drawing near. In verses 37-38, we are told of an incident that brings tears to eyes of many. “Peter asked him, ‘Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life you.’ Then Jesus answered, ‘Will you really lay down your life for me? I tell you the truth, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times!” Can you see the tears in Jesus’ eyes as he speaks those words? Can you hear the pain in his voice? He knows that Peter loves him. He knows that Peter is sincere, but he also knows that Peter will indeed deny him three times.

How many times do we deny Christ? How many times do we say with all sincerity, “I will lay down my life for you,” but when the hardship comes we deny him? With a compassion that can only be felt by our Lord, he weeps and cries over us. With tears in his eyes and with nails in his hands and feet, he says, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do.” He forgave Peter for denying him, just as he continually forgives us.

Today, we choose to celebrate that forgiveness. We rejoice with Peter in experiencing the grace and mercy of a God who loves us beyond all comprehension. Even now as you have so many thoughts on your mind and heart about all those times you denied your Jesus, you can take comfort in those words spoken on the cross and for eternity, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”

Sickness

What a strange title to a blog post. Let me explain. Sickness seems to be going around our house. I was sick for a couple of weeks and when I started to get better, it hit Timothy. He is fine now, but Kellie is really sick. It is never fun to be sick, but it seems to be a part of life sometimes. I wish people did not have to get sick. I wish we could all live happy, healthy productive lives without sickness. However, we live in an imperfect world. We live in a world that is sick and diseased. We live in a fallen world.

I have learned some lessons that I think are good reminders through this season of sickness. While I did not enjoy being sick, I hated seeing my family being sick. I hate the sad look on my kids faces and I hate seeing them hurt. I hate seeing my wife struggle with the most basic of tasks due to sickness. I wish I could take it from them. I wish I had the ability to take their sickness upon myself in order for them to be free of the sickness.

I believe God has the same feelings in regard to us. We are His children. He hates to see us suffer from the sickness in our lives. Although I believe he never intended for us to get sick, we live with sickness in our lives. This sickness is much deeper than a cold, flu, or even cancer. We live with a sickness in our souls. We are in need of someone to take this sickness away. This sickness affects our families, our relationships, our lives. This sickness of sin creates a vacuum that separates from our Father. This spiritual cancer penetrates our hearts and we become termanally ill. That is until a cure is found.

The good news for us is that Jesus is the cure. God saw our sickness. He observed our pain. He looked at the tears in our eyes. He saw our hopeless situation and he responded. He sent His Son to be our cure. Jesus took our spiritual sickness and carried it to the cross. He is the cure to our soul's diseases. He is the perfect remedy to our sinful hearts. His name is Jesus - and He is our healer!

Fatherhood

Life with three boys is an adventure! I have experienced things since becoming a father that I would have never experienced otherwise. I started coaching Drew's soccer team a couple seasons back and it is now soccer season again. Timothy has really started to like soccer as well. I knew nothing about the sport until I started coaching. I could not name the positions or tell you the roles of the players, but because I was coach, I somehow had the authority. I know a little more now, but will not be coaching past U-6 (under six years old). I have learned a lot through this experience. I have learned the importance of team and the importance of example. Some parents want to win at all costs, and I must admit it makes my ego feel better when our team wins too. However, I feel it important that everyone be on equal ground. The kid on our team that is not very good and has a habit of kicking the ball in the wrong direction is as important as the kid who scores almost every time they get the ball. I realize that philosophy will not work in a more competitive age range, but I believe it is laying a foundation for the future. We are all equal. We are all valuable. We are all loved. We are all created in the image of God. I want these children to know that they are valuable and they are loved. It has nothing to do with their ability to kick a soccer ball, but it has everything to do with the fact they were loved so much that Jesus died for them.

Fatherhood teaches me a lot about life. Everything is an adventure. When we ride in our car - it is an adventure. Every time we go under an overpass, the boys pretend it is a cave. "We have to duck under the cave daddy" the boys will say. Sometime I pretend to bump my head on the cave and the boys will not stop laughing. Each time we go on a bridge the boys pretend they are running across to make it to the other side. It is quite an adventure. I believe life in Christ is also an adventure. It is an amazing journey when we walk with Christ. There are caves we have to get through and bridges we must walk across and while at the time it may seem difficult or pointless, we realize that we have gained something form the journey. The ride in the car gives me a special time of bonding with my kids. It is a great adventure that I know one day I will look back at the teenagers in the back seat with the headphones in their ears and wish for times of laughter once again. However, I pray that the journey we experience now will provide the foundation for a great future.

Sitting at the Feet of Grace

I was going through some files seeing what I could toss and what I should keep. In the process I came across an article I wrote for Teenage Christian Magazine back in 1999. I was the ministerial intern at Madison Church of Christ working under my friend Jimmy Sites. So here is the article. Enjoy. Tell me what you think.

originally published in "Teenage Christian" March/April 1999 page 13

Recently I was reading the account of Jesus at the home of Mary and Martha in the gospel of Luke (10:38-42). Recall the scene in your mind. Jesus was with his disciples when Martha opened up her home to him. Remember that Mary (Martha's sister) was sitting at the feet of Jesus, while Martha was busy worrying about the preparations.

Can you imagine? Jesus is in your home! You want everything to be perfect. You begin cleaning and there is nothing out of place. You are slaving all day long over the hot stove baking and cooking and cleaning. You then come to the realization that your sister, Mary, is in the other room just listening and talking with Jesus. You become green with envy! After all, you are the one that invited him over in the first place. You should be the one listening to his words. But no, you're stuck in here baking while Mary is the one who is being lazy and making you do all the work. You become furious, and finally you just can't take it anymore. You come stomping into the room where the others are and you say, "Lord! Don't you care that Mary has left me to do all the work? Tell her to get in here and help me!"

Then Jesus says these words to her, "Martha, only one thing matters. Mary has chosen what is better."

The only thing that matters is sitting at the feet of our Lord and learning from him and listening to him. Have you ever been guilty of being too busy to get down at the feet of our gracious Lord and learn from him? I pray that you learn what is most important and sit at his feet and not become so busy with other things that you become blind as to what is really important.

The second chapter of Philippians uses words such as encouragement, comfort, fellowship, tenderness, and compassion. Later on in verse ten, the Bible says "at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father."

Encouragement, comfort, fellowship, tenderness, and compassion all come with bowing down at the feet of Christ. Make it your goal to take the time to sit at the feet of Jesus and learn from him. Bow down and humble yourself and realize what is most important: Jesus! I challenge you to join Mary and sit down at the feet of grace.

Lessons from an airplane

Okay, do not let the title of post fool you. I will not spend time talking about the airplane. I will not write of how you are putting faith in a giant piece of metal flying through the sky at 30,000 feet and how if one wire is not properly connected life as you know it could take a drastic change. Wow, now I do not want to fly anymore. I will not talk about all the people it takes to make a successful flight from the pilot, flight attendant, mechanics, air traffic controllers, ramp crew, fuel crew, wing walker, and on and on. I think there is a great lesson there for the church about how each person has a different function but a common goal of helping people reach their destinations safely. I will not discuss those things. Wait, I already have.

I want to share about an experience I had on our way to Ethiopia to meet our son. Our itinerary was to fly from Memphis to Chicago; Chicago to Washington Dulles; switch airline in Washington and fly to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. It was a smooth flight all the way. When we were flying from Chicago to Washington, Kellie and I were not able to sit together. I thought I would take advantage of the situation by catching up on some reading. I grabbed Blue Like Jazz and opened the book. However, before I was able to read a single word the man sitting next to me began to ask me questions. He sat down and said hello. I said hello in return and then once again opened my book. He proceeded to ask how my day had been so far. I told him it was fine and I stared back into my book. Feeling guilty, I asked him how his day had been. He responded that it was good but that he had a long flight ahead of him. I said "Well, I wish you the best" and began to once again look at my book (I had read about five words so far and I thought I should have been finished with a few pages by now). He did not seem to care that I wanted to read. He told me he was travelling to Liberia to visit his family. I decided to put my book back into my bag and have a conversation with the man.

We talked about Africa and how to communicate cross culturally. We discussed stereotypes Americans have about Africa and Africans have about America. It was a good discussion.

He asked me what I do. I find that question funny because I have no idea what I do. I minister to people whenever I can. I teach classes at church. I do leadership development. I am a student, but not this semester. I do not get paid to work for the church. I decided to tell him that I was a minister. He got so excited. He began to talk about ministry, about how we are all ministers, about how Jesus changes lives. He talked about the need for Christianity in Africa where his family is and in Chicago where he had lived for the last 17 years.

I learned a lot from this man. I was glad to be sitting next to him. He began to tell me what he did for a living. He has a business in Chicago that cleans church buildings. He then began to teach me about discipleship. He talked about how being a janitor doesn't seem like an ideal occupation, but how he would not change his career. He said Jesus washed the disciples feet because there was a need and everyone thought they were above that job. Jesus served his disciples. He said people come to a church building and sing songs and hear good sermons and attend good events; but they often think they are above cleaning the toilet. He said if Jesus were here today, he would clean the toilet, he would mop up the vomit from the three year old classroom, he would serve because someone needed to serve. He was not above service. In fact his own words were that he came not to be served, but to serve.

I think that is an awesome picture of Jesus. Jesus serving. Jesus wrapping the towel around his waist and washing the disciples' feet. Jesus grabbing the mop and cleaning up after we get sick. Jesus grabbing a toilet brush and doing the job no one else wants to do. Jesus serving. Jesus loving. Jesus taking a cross and carrying it up the hill to be crucified because of our impurities.

I am thankful for this man. I am glad I had the opportunity to sit next to him. I enjoyed the book once I was finally able to read it. But I am so glad this man interrupted my selfish desire in order to teach me about discipleship. Am I willing to serve? Do I seek only the glory positions? Sure, I love to preach and teach and be out in front - but am I willing to scrub a toilet in the name of Jesus and consider my role just as important as the teacher, preacher, and missionary? Thank you for the lesson, Lord. Teach me how to apply it.

A picture of unity

Sunday was a beautiful day. It was also a confusing day. One of those days where the worship service does not go as planned, but still created a beautiful image of Christ. We had an area wide worship of the urban congregations on Sunday. The auditorium was packed. It was an interesting mix. Inner city poor, missionaries who are working on Masters of Divinity, and people who do not speak English. We have never really had a bilingual service. It was difficult to communicate. It was uncomfortable at times, but it was a beautiful picture.

The theme of the day was unity. We were a group of people seeking unity. We were people that most would say would have nothing in common. It is true. We did not have much in common. We did not all look alike. We were not all from the same part of town. We were all different ages. We did not all speak the same language. But we do all serve the same Lord. That brought us together. We were together in the name of Jesus singing songs together. The songs were in English and Spanish and we each would sing in our own language at the same time. We were, if only for two hours, a united people. Memphis is not known for unity. It is a very segregated city. We made an effort to be a family. As our Spanish speaking brother would say "Somos familia." We are family.

Communion took on a new meaning. It was not a smooth well played out communion. We decided we would all take the communion together as a symbolic sign of unity. It took a while to pass out the trays and there was awkward silence in which we decided to sing a song that probably wasn't the idea choice for communion, but it was a song we all knew. As I looked across the audience while giving the communion meditation, I saw black, white, and Hispanic all sitting together ready to take communion with each other. It was a small picture of unity.

How beautiful it is to know that there are Christians all around this world. Brothers and sisters who do not look like me, think like me, dress like me, or share the same hobbies as I do. They do not speak the same language, but they do serve the same God! I pray for them and lift them before our Father. And I pray for unity. Unity: such a small word, but what a difficult word it is. For unity is not always popular. But when Christians unite, it is a wonderful picture.

Jesus: The Servant

They were often dirty and in need of being washed. They were usually tired from a long journey. What were they? They were feet. Feet that needed to be washed. Our Lord recognized the need and brought out the water basin and towel. He began to wash the feet of those who didn’t deserve it. They were the men who should be washing his feet, yet not one volunteered. Jesus then began to serve those who did not deserve it. He served the one that would deny him. He got on his knees and performed an act of service on the one that would stab him in the back with a kiss of death.
“For the Son did not come to be served, but to serve,” the words ring in the memory of all who were present. It was hard for Peter to understand and so our Lord said, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.” Christ had to serve. He had to wash their feet, for that is why he came. He came to serve.
Christ has served you and me also. Because he recognized a need in us that no other could, or would, meet. We were in need of cleaning and so He wrapped the towel around his waist and became a servant. “Unless I wash you,” he says, “you have no part with me.” I pray that you allow Christ to wash you this very day.

What mask are you wearing?

Halloween - it is a time where children (and many adults) dress up and pretend to be something they really are not. I am not here to debate whether or not a Christian should celebrate Halloween. Kellie and I took Timothy to four trunk or treats over the weekend. It is probably a good thing since today it is raining. We saw various costumes - power rangers, spider-man, Superman, farmer, vampires, witches, and even two girls dressed as a salt and pepper shaker. It was really quite interesting to see all the various costumes and the creativity of those who made them. Timothy went as Elmo. He did not really understand what was going on but he did enjoy the candy. Kellie and I also enjoy the candy:)
I began to think back to my childhood. I would often wear a towel as a cape and pretend I was Superman as I jumped off the couch and onto the pile of pillows that represented my enemy. Life was so much simpler then. I could be anyone I wanted to be. I would pretend to be He-Man and I would stop Skeletor. I would be the hero and the world would be safe because I was there to save the people.

Can you already see where this post is going? How strange that the trunk or treat took place in the park lot of a the church building. How many people put on a mask before entering the doors? The mask that makes us look like something we are not - the mask of a spiritual super-hero. We are often afraid to take off our masks. People will see who we really are - they we see that we do not have it all together, that we are indeed broken. What will they think? So we keep our mask on - we sing "Break My Heart" without taking off the mask and in the process allow our hearts to become even more calloused. My spiritual super-hero mask will not allow you to see my weakness; my sin; my kryptonite.

Why is that? Why do we wear masks? What are we so afraid of? Are we afraid that God might see us? He already knows what we look like inside and out. Are we afraid of what the person across the aisle may think? They are broken too. Why do wear masks?

Why do so many Christians wear masks? Why do ministers wear masks? How do we allow ourselves to get to the point that we feel we need to be spiritual super-heroes out to save the world, as if we can save anyone!? I cannot save anyone from sin; only Jesus can. I cannot save myself; only Jesus can. So why do I get tempted to put on my mask? Could it be that the mask has become comfortable? Could it be that we have tried so hard for so long to live up to the expectations of others that we have forgotten who we are without the mask? God, teach us to take off the mask and fall at your feet.

The Church Working Together

I spent a week at my parent's house in Oklahoma last week. It was a great visit. I went to help them clean their house so they can start rebuilding from the fire back in July. The fire happened the last Friday in July and it damaged most of the front half of the house. It has been unlivable for all these weeks.
It was good to be there working with my mom, dad, sister, brother, sister-in-law, aunt, uncle, cousin, and their church family. I arrived on Thursday and enjoyed the visit on Friday a couple of us carried out the old furniture. Saturday, the church group came and helped clean out all the old carpet, tear down the ceiling, and clean up debris. It was a great time of fellowship and service. It was the body of Christ coming together to serve one of its members. I continue to learn more about what it means to be a part of Christ's church. The congregation they are a part of is a small congregation, but nearly every member was present and working.
The church working together for a common goal accomplished much. In no time, the house was cleaned out and ready for the reconstruction. I began to think of how much could be accomplished if the church would learn to work together in unity. How many more people would know our Lord if we would unite towards a common goal? How would we be different if we loved each other with a genuine love of Christ?
It seems that churches have a history of division more than unity. Sadly, many Christians would rather debate one another than work together to reach those who do not follow Christ. We would rather argue over patterns and names rather than how to reach our neighbor.
The lesson I learned was a simple one - when the church works together things get accomplished. How do I translate that into a practical missiology?