Morning Joy: When Will Morning Come?

I determined long ago to name this blog Confessions of a Confused Christian. However, as I recently went back over many of the posts, I realized there was not a lot of confessing or confusion. Every post seemed to always resolve itself into total assurance. It seemed as though there was no real faith struggle that every i was always dotted and every t was always crossed. I admit that some of the reasoning is because I switched my primary means of communication from this blog over to Facebook. However, even there, I could see that most posts talk about how great my faith is and an outsider may think my faith does not waver.

So, here I am pondering this moment of how deep to go; how much to share. It is difficult to use written words as a form of communication because it is impossible to sense the tone and emotion behind the words. However, since the blog has the words confused and confess in it, I feel it is only appropriate to confess my confusion. Sometimes I really struggle in my faith. I struggle in my relationship with God. I often do not see relevance in the church. When I read the Bible, I am often confused. I read of a church in the first century that seemed so honest, so real yet I see much of the church today being so superficial. I see people in the New Testament fighting for what they stand for, and I see so many Christians today fighting about what they are against. We rally and protest and get loud and rarely love, I mean truly love. We are well known for what we are against, but rarely show what we are for. That confuses me. Am I supposed to stand in a line and picket the abortion clinic, or am I to present a cup of water to a hurt woman who just made the decision to abort the baby? Which would Jesus do? If I show love to her am I now saying I support abortion? Must I yell and spit so I can prove I am a Christian or was Jesus actually telling the truth when he said they will know we are Christians by our love?

The truth is I am often confused. I have been hurt. I have felt abandoned and betrayed. I have been hurt by the church. I have bought the lie that I had to be against all the things I am supposed to be against and somewhere along the way I have forgotten what I am supposed to be for. I have often tried to please church people and in the process have found myself drifting further and further away from who God has truly called me to be. I have been hurt by the church. I have been hurt to the point that it is often difficult to differentiate if it is people or God who is hurting me. Why must it be so difficult?

One of my favorite verses has been Psalm 30:5 which declares, “For his anger lasts only a moment,but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” What a comforting thought to know that joy comes in the morning. However, sometimes it seems that morning will never come. I often identify with the poet Emily Dickinson who penned these words: 

Will there really be a “Morning”?
Is there such a thing as “Day”?
Could I see it from the mountains
If I were as tall as they?

Has it feet like Water lilies?
Has it feathers like a Bird?
Is it brought from famous countries
Of which I have never heard?

Oh some Scholar! Oh some Sailor!
Oh some Wise Men from the skies!
Please to tell a little Pilgrim
Where the place called “Morning” lies!

Will morning joy ever come? Or will we just remain in tears of mourning? Will joy find it’s way into our lives, or are we destined to lie in constant wait? I confess that God confuses me and His word sometimes troubles more than it comforts. There are times in our lives when it hurts so much we just can’t see the joy coming. We feel the pain and experience the darkness which seeks to consume us. So we wait. We sit in the dark of night waiting for the morning joy to come. We long to feel anything other than the current hell we are experiencing. We look to God, even in the midst of what seems like His silence and we wait. We hope. We look toward that morning light which will bring the joy. However, in the meantime, we wait and search for the place where morning lies.

Power & Hope: Lessons Learned From the Africa Children's Choir

Last night, my family went to see the African Children’s Choir. This was about the third time we have seen this choir perform and each time has been amazing. Last night was no exception. The group of children made the entrance with shouts of jubilation as they danced on the stage. The enthusiasm and power they showed were quite impressive. We clapped and cheered and sang along as they performed their songs and dances.

One of the most touching moments for me personally took place a little over half way through the evening. The children came out one at a time saying their name and what they wanted to be when they were older. I loved hearing about their dreams of being pilots, police officers, teachers, bankers, and pastors. I thought about what life must have been like for them early on. Most came from a home with at least one parent deceased or not present for whatever reason. Many had no running water, no substantial source of income. They all came from poverty. These children had seen and experienced more heartache in their young lives than most people experience in a lifetime. They could easily have the mindset that they have no real future. We may look at people of similar circumstance and have little hope they will become anything significant. Yet, they had the dream and vision and hope of becoming the best they could. They refused to buy the lie that they were insignificant.  They refused to let their dreams die. They desire to beat the odds and become someone of great significance.

The true reality is they are already significant. They were created in the image of God. They were deemed worthy of the blood of Jesus as he died to give them hope and a future that far exceeds anything they could ever even dream. The stage presence of these children possessed such power that you believed they would become all those things they said they wanted to be. Yet that fails in comparison to the awesome power of our Lord working in the lives of people. His power is available to all. He is the source of all power and all hope. As the children sang He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands, I could not help but recognize how true that really is. He holds it all together. The stars, the land, the sea are all held together by Him. Mankind finds hope in Him. He’s got the homeless in His hands. He’s got  the widow in His hands. He’s got the child walking 45 minutes for water to do laundry in His hands. He loves the fatherless. He loves the single mother struggling to love and care for her kids and pay the bills. He loves the dad who works long hours to provide the best way he knows how. God loves the athletic and the uncoordinated. He loves the educated and uneducated. God loves the prostitute and the nun. He loves the rich and the poor. He loves you and me. He’s got the whole world in His hands. Therefore we can dream. We can hope. We have a future. We have love and acceptance no matter what this world throws at us. We have God, therefore we have all we need.

God's Dream team

The closing ceremony of the 2012 Olympics takes place tonight. I always enjoy watching the Olympic events. I like the stories and the athleticism that a part of the games. One of the stories this year was in the arena of basketball. Kobe Bryant made an implication that the current USA basketball team could beat the original dream team of 1992.  Sports radio and newspaper articles immediately debating. Could basketball players such as Kobe Bryant, Kevin Durant, Russell Westbrook, and Lebron James beat guys like Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, David Robinson, and Larry Bird? I heard arguments both ways, but most seemed to agree that the edge would belong to the 1992 team. 

In listening to people discuss the strengths and weaknesses of both groups, my mind began to wander and wonder. What if God were to assemble His dream team? What would that look like? There would be brave men and women who would obviously be chosen first, right? You would have to include a man like Abraham so faithful and trusting that he would pack up his family and leave even when he had no clue where God would lead him. You would probably include Noah who stayed faithful when all others turned away. he built a boat when he had never seen rain. You would probably include a guy like Moses who stood fearlessly before Pharaoh and demanded him to let God's people go. What about David who fought a giant and killed him? He would have to be included. What about Peter who stood fearlessly stating that he would obey God rather than man, whatever the cost may be? He would have to be on God's dream team. Who could possibly forget Paul who was beaten and left for dead because he preached the gospel, yet he still fulfilled his mission. He definitely needs to be on God's dream team.

All these men may make you and feel as though we have no place on God's dream team. I mean we may love God, but have we been tested like these men? Have you and I been beaten and left for dead? Have we built a boat when we never saw rain? Have we killed a giant because he disrespected God? Have we faced prison for being a Christian? It seems that God's roster must be full. Surely there is no room for us. I mean we fall short in so many ways. We doubt. We mistreat people sometimes. We give in to pressure. Is there any hope?

Fortunately God's team is also made up of guys like Abraham, who despite great faith also expressed fear and told his wife to lie and say she was his sister. It is made up of guys like Noah who after being delivered from destruction got off the ark and passed out drunk. It is made up of guys like Moses who doubted God's ability and decision making. It is made up guys like David who committed adultery and tried to cover it up by having the lady's husband murdered. It's made up of guys like Peter who gave into pressure and denied even knowing Jesus. It's made up of guys like Paul who was a murderer. So, perhaps there is room for you and I.

God calls us to become a part of His team - His dream team. He looks at our faults and finds goodness. He looks at our doubts and finds mustard seed sized faith. He looks at our darkness and offers light. He looks at our restlessness and offers peace and rest. "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest." It's as though he is saying, I know you feel alone in this world. I know you feel there is no one to support you, no one who cares for you, no one who will pick you. I know sometimes you feel like the kid on the playground that nobody wants to have on their team, but God's says, "I want you on MY team. Come to me." Will you join God's team? Will you thank him for choosing you. He knows you are imperfect, that's why He chose you. Will you just relish in the fact that He wants you on His team?

The Mask of Hypocrisy

Our church recently had a fall festival. It was a lot of fun. The kids were able to play games and get candy - lots of candy! I remember how fun Halloween used to be when I was a kid. I loved dressing up and going door to door saying "Trick or teat" and getting some candy. This year we have three boys. Well, Joshua is only 5 months old, so he does not really know about Halloween and candy. He will still be dressed like a lion and going to get candy for his mommy and daddy. But the two older boys understand that they are able to dress up and get candy. They are excited. I always have mixed feelings about it. Back in 2006, I wrote a post on this blog entitled What Mask Are you Wearing. It got a few comments and made for some interesting conversation. So, I want to once again share that post for all of you. Please feel free to comment and share your thoughts. So without any further babbling, here it is.

Halloween - it is a time where children (and many adults) dress up and pretend to be something they really are not. I am not here to debate whether or not a Christian should celebrate Halloween. Kellie and I took Timothy to four trunk or treats over the weekend. It is probably a good thing since today it is raining. We saw various costumes - power rangers, spider-man, Superman, farmer, vampires, witches, and even two girls dressed as a salt and pepper shaker. It was really quite interesting to see all the various costumes and the creativity of those who made them. Timothy went as Elmo. He did not really understand what was going on but he did enjoy the candy. Kellie and I also enjoy the candy:)
I began to think back to my childhood. I would often wear a towel as a cape and pretend I was Superman as I jumped off the couch onto the pile of pillows that represented my enemy. Life was so much simpler then. I could be anyone I wanted to be. I would pretend to be He-Man and I would stop Skeletor. I would be the hero and the world would be safe because I was there to save the people.

Can you already see where this post is going? How strange that the trunk or treat took place in the parking lot of a church building. How many people put on a mask before entering the doors? The mask that makes us look like something we are not - the mask of a spiritual super-hero. We are often afraid to take off our masks. People will see who we really are - they will see that we do not have it all together, that we are indeed broken. What will they think? So we keep our mask on - we sing "Break My Heart" without taking off the mask and in the process allow our hearts to become even more calloused. My spiritual super-hero mask will not allow you to see my weakness; my sin; my kryptonite.

Why is that? Why do we wear masks? What are we so afraid of? Are we afraid that God might see us? He already knows what we look like inside and out. Are we afraid of what the person across the aisle may think? They are broken too. Why do wear masks?

Why do so many Christians wear masks? Why do ministers wear masks? How do we allow ourselves to get to the point that we feel we need to be spiritual super-heroes out to save the world, as if we can save anyone!? I cannot save anyone from sin; only Jesus can. I cannot save myself; only Jesus can. So why do I get tempted to put on my mask? Could it be that the mask has become comfortable? Could it be that we have tried so hard for so long to live up to the expectations of others that we have forgotten who we are without the mask? God, teach us to take off the mask and fall at your feet.

Sometimes Life Hurts

Last Friday I took Joshua to a doctor's appointment. It was the routine four month check. I am happy to report that he is healthy and growing strong. A part of the four month check up is immunizations. The word immunizations sounds so much nicer than shots. The nurse came in with three syringes of various immunizations to shoot into my four month old son's legs. My job was to hold his arms and head while the nurse held down his legs and gave him the shots. He screamed a painful cry as the needle penetrated the skin. Big crocodile tears dripped down his face and then he looked at me. I am not sure what his mind is able to comprehend or how he processes his thoughts; but it seemed to be a look of "Why are you letting this happen to me?" It broke my heart. I did not want to see my child hurt. I did not want to see him in pain. I wanted to hold him and tell the nurse to keep those needles away from my baby boy. But I did not. I knew the temporary pain of receiving a shot would help him be stronger and more equipped to fight off sickness in the future.

I began thinking about that and realized it is similar to our spiritual walk with Christ. Sometimes life hurts. We go through trials, persecution, hardships, sickness, and pain. We like Joshua do not understand what is taking place and we look to our heavenly Father with a "why are you letting this happen?" attitude. Nobody enjoys pain (unless there is something deeply wrong with them), yet we all suffer pain. Nobody likes to hurt. We do not like suffering. We do not like persecution, yet we all face it. I believe the trials, persecution, and sufferings we face are making us stronger and more equipped to stand strong in our faith. They serve as a spiritual shot, an immunization, preparing us to fight against the sin that seeks to overtake us.

When the shots were finished, I picked up my son and held him close. I softly talked to him telling I love him. I sang a song to him. I let him know that he was loved. When I make it through a trial, I feel my Lord grab me and hold me close. He whispers that everything is okay. He sings over me. No, I do not hear an audible voice or feel a physical touch from God, yet I experience something much deeper. I experience an amazing renewal and transfromation that moves me closer to God.

Sometimes life hurts. It is during those times that we must learn to listen to what God is seeking to teach us. He loves us and He does not want to see us in pain, but He knows that when we overcome this temporary trial - we will receive something much greater.

Lessons from an airplane

Okay, do not let the title of post fool you. I will not spend time talking about the airplane. I will not write of how you are putting faith in a giant piece of metal flying through the sky at 30,000 feet and how if one wire is not properly connected life as you know it could take a drastic change. Wow, now I do not want to fly anymore. I will not talk about all the people it takes to make a successful flight from the pilot, flight attendant, mechanics, air traffic controllers, ramp crew, fuel crew, wing walker, and on and on. I think there is a great lesson there for the church about how each person has a different function but a common goal of helping people reach their destinations safely. I will not discuss those things. Wait, I already have.

I want to share about an experience I had on our way to Ethiopia to meet our son. Our itinerary was to fly from Memphis to Chicago; Chicago to Washington Dulles; switch airline in Washington and fly to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. It was a smooth flight all the way. When we were flying from Chicago to Washington, Kellie and I were not able to sit together. I thought I would take advantage of the situation by catching up on some reading. I grabbed Blue Like Jazz and opened the book. However, before I was able to read a single word the man sitting next to me began to ask me questions. He sat down and said hello. I said hello in return and then once again opened my book. He proceeded to ask how my day had been so far. I told him it was fine and I stared back into my book. Feeling guilty, I asked him how his day had been. He responded that it was good but that he had a long flight ahead of him. I said "Well, I wish you the best" and began to once again look at my book (I had read about five words so far and I thought I should have been finished with a few pages by now). He did not seem to care that I wanted to read. He told me he was travelling to Liberia to visit his family. I decided to put my book back into my bag and have a conversation with the man.

We talked about Africa and how to communicate cross culturally. We discussed stereotypes Americans have about Africa and Africans have about America. It was a good discussion.

He asked me what I do. I find that question funny because I have no idea what I do. I minister to people whenever I can. I teach classes at church. I do leadership development. I am a student, but not this semester. I do not get paid to work for the church. I decided to tell him that I was a minister. He got so excited. He began to talk about ministry, about how we are all ministers, about how Jesus changes lives. He talked about the need for Christianity in Africa where his family is and in Chicago where he had lived for the last 17 years.

I learned a lot from this man. I was glad to be sitting next to him. He began to tell me what he did for a living. He has a business in Chicago that cleans church buildings. He then began to teach me about discipleship. He talked about how being a janitor doesn't seem like an ideal occupation, but how he would not change his career. He said Jesus washed the disciples feet because there was a need and everyone thought they were above that job. Jesus served his disciples. He said people come to a church building and sing songs and hear good sermons and attend good events; but they often think they are above cleaning the toilet. He said if Jesus were here today, he would clean the toilet, he would mop up the vomit from the three year old classroom, he would serve because someone needed to serve. He was not above service. In fact his own words were that he came not to be served, but to serve.

I think that is an awesome picture of Jesus. Jesus serving. Jesus wrapping the towel around his waist and washing the disciples' feet. Jesus grabbing the mop and cleaning up after we get sick. Jesus grabbing a toilet brush and doing the job no one else wants to do. Jesus serving. Jesus loving. Jesus taking a cross and carrying it up the hill to be crucified because of our impurities.

I am thankful for this man. I am glad I had the opportunity to sit next to him. I enjoyed the book once I was finally able to read it. But I am so glad this man interrupted my selfish desire in order to teach me about discipleship. Am I willing to serve? Do I seek only the glory positions? Sure, I love to preach and teach and be out in front - but am I willing to scrub a toilet in the name of Jesus and consider my role just as important as the teacher, preacher, and missionary? Thank you for the lesson, Lord. Teach me how to apply it.

What mask are you wearing?

Halloween - it is a time where children (and many adults) dress up and pretend to be something they really are not. I am not here to debate whether or not a Christian should celebrate Halloween. Kellie and I took Timothy to four trunk or treats over the weekend. It is probably a good thing since today it is raining. We saw various costumes - power rangers, spider-man, Superman, farmer, vampires, witches, and even two girls dressed as a salt and pepper shaker. It was really quite interesting to see all the various costumes and the creativity of those who made them. Timothy went as Elmo. He did not really understand what was going on but he did enjoy the candy. Kellie and I also enjoy the candy:)
I began to think back to my childhood. I would often wear a towel as a cape and pretend I was Superman as I jumped off the couch and onto the pile of pillows that represented my enemy. Life was so much simpler then. I could be anyone I wanted to be. I would pretend to be He-Man and I would stop Skeletor. I would be the hero and the world would be safe because I was there to save the people.

Can you already see where this post is going? How strange that the trunk or treat took place in the park lot of a the church building. How many people put on a mask before entering the doors? The mask that makes us look like something we are not - the mask of a spiritual super-hero. We are often afraid to take off our masks. People will see who we really are - they we see that we do not have it all together, that we are indeed broken. What will they think? So we keep our mask on - we sing "Break My Heart" without taking off the mask and in the process allow our hearts to become even more calloused. My spiritual super-hero mask will not allow you to see my weakness; my sin; my kryptonite.

Why is that? Why do we wear masks? What are we so afraid of? Are we afraid that God might see us? He already knows what we look like inside and out. Are we afraid of what the person across the aisle may think? They are broken too. Why do wear masks?

Why do so many Christians wear masks? Why do ministers wear masks? How do we allow ourselves to get to the point that we feel we need to be spiritual super-heroes out to save the world, as if we can save anyone!? I cannot save anyone from sin; only Jesus can. I cannot save myself; only Jesus can. So why do I get tempted to put on my mask? Could it be that the mask has become comfortable? Could it be that we have tried so hard for so long to live up to the expectations of others that we have forgotten who we are without the mask? God, teach us to take off the mask and fall at your feet.

The Church Working Together

I spent a week at my parent's house in Oklahoma last week. It was a great visit. I went to help them clean their house so they can start rebuilding from the fire back in July. The fire happened the last Friday in July and it damaged most of the front half of the house. It has been unlivable for all these weeks.
It was good to be there working with my mom, dad, sister, brother, sister-in-law, aunt, uncle, cousin, and their church family. I arrived on Thursday and enjoyed the visit on Friday a couple of us carried out the old furniture. Saturday, the church group came and helped clean out all the old carpet, tear down the ceiling, and clean up debris. It was a great time of fellowship and service. It was the body of Christ coming together to serve one of its members. I continue to learn more about what it means to be a part of Christ's church. The congregation they are a part of is a small congregation, but nearly every member was present and working.
The church working together for a common goal accomplished much. In no time, the house was cleaned out and ready for the reconstruction. I began to think of how much could be accomplished if the church would learn to work together in unity. How many more people would know our Lord if we would unite towards a common goal? How would we be different if we loved each other with a genuine love of Christ?
It seems that churches have a history of division more than unity. Sadly, many Christians would rather debate one another than work together to reach those who do not follow Christ. We would rather argue over patterns and names rather than how to reach our neighbor.
The lesson I learned was a simple one - when the church works together things get accomplished. How do I translate that into a practical missiology?