Confessions of a Confused Christian

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Reason to rejoice!!

During our lunch hour Saturday, August 19, Kellie and I had the privilege of meeting with two wonderful ladies. They are sisters and one of them works with an adoption grant foundation. They came to our house and we rode together to the Ethiopian restaurant here in Memphis. We talked about adoption, family, and ministry. It was a blessing to meet these ladies. We shared our situation with trying to bring Leuleseged home and how we were at a standstill. We received a letter in the mail today stating that they are donating the funds needed to move our dossier onto Ethiopia so we can receive a court date!! WOW!! God was totally at work! Kellie and I had been so discouraged with the adoption and questioning if we should give up on the whole process - God introduced us to the right people at the right time and worked it out for the adoption to be paid for. We will still need to raise air fare and fees for visas along with money for room and board. Those fees will be upon us quick and that is the exciting part. We still have a block party planned to raise funds and hopefully we will come up with the needed finances to travel, but we are now so close. Our dossier will be sent to Washington D.C. and then onto Ethiopia. The Ethiopian government will set up a court date where they will review our dossier and decide if we are able to adopt. If (or should I say when?) we have a successful court date, Leuleseged will officially be our son. We will then travel to Ethiopia and go to the embassy for some more "red tape" work and then back to the states!!! Once we are back in Memphis we will go through a re-adoption process that will make him a legal citizen of the United States. God answers prayers. We know there is still a ways to go and many obstacles stand in the way, but one major hurdle has been jumped and we are on our way toward the finish line. Thank you all for your continued prayers.

What will I do? What will I be?

It has been a while since my last post. Kellie is back to teaching school. Timothy will begin his Parent's Day Out on Tuesday. I have been doing a lot of seeking. What will I do? Let me ask another way - what will God have me do? Where will I go? What will life bring? Will this possible church plant come to fruition? Will I be able to raise the finances to be a full-time missionary church planter? What will I do? It seems that "doing" becomes the way of life as you mature and grow older. We focus on doing. What ever happened to "being?" We ask children what they want to be when they grow up. We ask adults what they do. It seems we define people by what they do. A person who paints is a painter; a person who delivers furniture is a delivery driver; one who waits on tables is a waiter. But does what we do define who we are? I believe it does to an extent. My actions tell a lot about who I am. If my words and actions do not line up, then I am a hypocrite. But does everything I do define who I am?
The stereotype is that most custodians are uneducated and must resort to a menial job, but I know a custodian with a doctorate in mathematics. Would you like to argue with him about what one part cleaner to 3 parts water equals out to? I know of lady who is a secretary but does not know how to operate a computer, she takes excellent minutes at the meetings. Do you want to stereotype her. I am a minister who hates wearing ties - in fact I usually wear jeans and shirt to preach from. Does that mean I am not a real minister? We allow so many things to define us.
What will it take for me to learn how to be with God instead of always focusing on doing? I want to do great things. I want to feed the hungry. I want to shelter the homeless. I want to bring freedom to person suffering from substance abuse. I want to "do" a lot. But what do I want to be? Who will I be? Will I be just another person who wishes they could do great things? Will I be an old man sitting around with my buddies talking about all the things I wanted to do. Will I try-but fail? What will I do? What will I be?

I believe God calls me to "be" before I ever try to "do." He calls me to be his disciple. I want to be with him. I want to be in his presence. I need to be his child, his servant, his friend, his follower - - -then I will be able to do for the right reasons. I will not let what I do define who I am. What I mean is that when we do things we often focus on our talents. We do what we enjoy. It is easy to get caught up in trying to do great things and being tempted to take the credit for those great things. We, as a society, serve at a soup kitchen around the holidays and pat ourselves on the back for a job well done. We give the homeless guy a sandwich and are proud that we did something. I am not anti-service. Far from that-I believe the church is stagnant from not serving others. At the same time, there is a danger in trying to "do" so many great things. The danger is that in my doing I become content with who I am. I refuse to grow. I am so busy doing that I fail to stop and be with God. I am so busy working like Martha that I fail to sit and be with Jesus like Mary.

Lord, teach me to be with you. When I am with you I am compelled to serve. Let that service be for your glory and not my own.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Love breaks barriers

There are many barriers that get in the way of serving others. They are mostly man-made. We allow them to separate us. We seem to classify everything: educated vs. Un-educated, rich and poor, fat and thin, black and white. An essay shared on Greg Kramer's blog led to a wonderful thought. The essay is a testimony from an African-American girl who had a mother that taught her to hate white people. She is placed in foster care at a white Italian lady's home and begins to learn a lesson. The lesson learned is that love can be color-blind.
Read the essay by clicking the link above and then ask how we can share Christ with our community. Will we allow the barriers to continue to divide us - or will we allow genuine love and respect to tear down the walls of segregation and open up our hearts to share our faith with our neighbors? I pray that God will convict us of our favoritism and lead us to share His love with those the world tries to segregate us from.

Friday, August 04, 2006

A touch of assurance

I just put Timothy to bed. It is always special time. Most of the time he prefers the night routine with his Mommy, but tonight it was just Timothy and me. Each night the routine is the same. We put on a Praise Baby DVD and Timothy grabs his blanket (which he has termed "My-My") and we snuggle on the couch. At the end of the video, we carry Timothy into his room and put him in his bed. He says "nigh-nigh" and we usually sing a soft song of praise or pray while rubbing his back. The important thing to Timothy is that we are touching his back. He doesn't care if it's a rub, a pat, or simply resting our hand on his back. If we think he is asleep and try to leave the room, he will reach out his hand and pat his own back. We will then go to him and continue to give him the pat on the back. I believe the reason he likes this is that he wants to know that he is protected; that he is safe. He wants the reassurance that even though it is dark and we will soon be leaving him alone in his room where he cannot see us, we still love him and are watching over him. We have a video monitor in our room so we can see when he is restless and is moving around. We are watching over him and can see him even when he cannot see us.

This serves as a reminder to me that God is constantly watching over us even when we cannot see Him. Tonight as I was in Timothy's room resting my hand on his back, I began to pray. Sometimes I need to feel God's reassuring touch. I need to know that He is watching over me and guiding me. I need to be in His presence and I need Him to remind me that He is not far away. I need a relationship with God like the one Timothy has with Kellie and I. Timothy loves to spend time with us. We play together, we comfort each other, we get frustrated with one another...but Timothy always comes looking for us. When we leave the room for more than a minute, he comes looking. When we go into the kitchen to do the dishes, Timothy comes looking for us. When we go into the room to check email, Timothy comes looking. How I long to seek God the way Timothy seeks us. How I long to be so in love with God that I cannot stand to be away from His presence. Oh, how I need to feel His gentle touch in the dark times of life. Thank you God for using a 21 (almost 22) month old child to remind me of how much I need you.