What will I do? What will I be?

It has been a while since my last post. Kellie is back to teaching school. Timothy will begin his Parent's Day Out on Tuesday. I have been doing a lot of seeking. What will I do? Let me ask another way - what will God have me do? Where will I go? What will life bring? Will this possible church plant come to fruition? Will I be able to raise the finances to be a full-time missionary church planter? What will I do? It seems that "doing" becomes the way of life as you mature and grow older. We focus on doing. What ever happened to "being?" We ask children what they want to be when they grow up. We ask adults what they do. It seems we define people by what they do. A person who paints is a painter; a person who delivers furniture is a delivery driver; one who waits on tables is a waiter. But does what we do define who we are? I believe it does to an extent. My actions tell a lot about who I am. If my words and actions do not line up, then I am a hypocrite. But does everything I do define who I am?
The stereotype is that most custodians are uneducated and must resort to a menial job, but I know a custodian with a doctorate in mathematics. Would you like to argue with him about what one part cleaner to 3 parts water equals out to? I know of lady who is a secretary but does not know how to operate a computer, she takes excellent minutes at the meetings. Do you want to stereotype her. I am a minister who hates wearing ties - in fact I usually wear jeans and shirt to preach from. Does that mean I am not a real minister? We allow so many things to define us.
What will it take for me to learn how to be with God instead of always focusing on doing? I want to do great things. I want to feed the hungry. I want to shelter the homeless. I want to bring freedom to person suffering from substance abuse. I want to "do" a lot. But what do I want to be? Who will I be? Will I be just another person who wishes they could do great things? Will I be an old man sitting around with my buddies talking about all the things I wanted to do. Will I try-but fail? What will I do? What will I be?

I believe God calls me to "be" before I ever try to "do." He calls me to be his disciple. I want to be with him. I want to be in his presence. I need to be his child, his servant, his friend, his follower - - -then I will be able to do for the right reasons. I will not let what I do define who I am. What I mean is that when we do things we often focus on our talents. We do what we enjoy. It is easy to get caught up in trying to do great things and being tempted to take the credit for those great things. We, as a society, serve at a soup kitchen around the holidays and pat ourselves on the back for a job well done. We give the homeless guy a sandwich and are proud that we did something. I am not anti-service. Far from that-I believe the church is stagnant from not serving others. At the same time, there is a danger in trying to "do" so many great things. The danger is that in my doing I become content with who I am. I refuse to grow. I am so busy doing that I fail to stop and be with God. I am so busy working like Martha that I fail to sit and be with Jesus like Mary.

Lord, teach me to be with you. When I am with you I am compelled to serve. Let that service be for your glory and not my own.